Oldest and Newest
by Bobby South
Summary: Well, here it is - the Seth MacFarlane cartoon adaption of the third chapter in the 'Toy Story' Trilogy - 'Toy Story 3'.
1. Intro

Family Guy Presents:

'Oldest And Newest'

Well, here it is –Seth MacFarlane's cartoon shows retelling of the _Return of the Jedi,_ _Return of the King_ or _the Bourne Ultimatum_ of the Toy Story trilogy: _Toy Story 3_.

Note: I own nothing. _Family Guy, American Dad! _and _The Cleveland Show _all belong to the cartoon god Seth MacFarlane and _Toy Story_ belongs to the Gods of CGI movies: Pixar!

**Cast List**

Toys

Glenn Quagmire as Woody

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear

Donna Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Jessie

Rallo Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Bullseye

Carter Pewterschmidt as Lotso

Peter Griffin as Mr. Potato Head

Lois Griffin as Mrs. Potato Head

Chris Griffin as Rex

Brian Griffin as Slinky Dog

Carl as Hamm

Jeremy as Aliens

Stan Smith (from _American Dad!_) as Sarge

Steve Smith (from _American Dad!_) as Ken

Snot (from _American Dad!_) as Twitch

Barry (from _American Dad!_) as Chunk

Toshi (from _American Dad!_) as Sparks

Stewie Griffin as Big Baby

Roberta Tubbs (from _The Cleveland Show_) as Stretch

RJ - as the Chatter Telephone

Gus (from _The Cleveland Show_) as the Bookworm

The Evil Monkey as the Cymbal-banging monkey

Herbert the Pervert as Chuckles

Roger the Alien (from _American Dad!_) as Mr. Pricklepants

Dr. Hartman as Buttercup

Babs Pewterschmidt as Trixie

Angela as Dolly

Sanders, Jackson and Dick as the Peas-in-a-pod

Cleveland Brown Jr. as Totoro

Humans and Animals

Johnny Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy

Olivia as Molly

Lisa Collins (from _American Dad!_) as Andy's Mom

Jeff Fischer (from _American Dad!)_ as Buster

Susie Swanson as Bonnie

Bonnie Swanson as Bonnie's mom

* * *

"My fellow citizens," greeted Mayor Adam West. He was in front of a lot of people at Quahog Docks. "Thank you all for coming to Quahog Docks. You're in luck. You are the very first passengers for the maiden voyage of my new cruise line, Adam West Cruises."

The people looked at the cruise behind him. They looked impressed.

"Wow, it's so massive!" cried Cleveland Brown Jr.

"And beautifully clean," added Lois Griffin.

"And it has West's head on it," moaned Brian Griffin. He was right. It did have West's head on the bow.

"Well, if you're all impressed with the look of the boat," said West, "then you'll all love the destinations we're going to."

"A Justin Bieber concert?" cried Roberta Tubbs excitedly.

"A Lindsay Lohan concert?" cried Steve Smith.

"A non-polluted place for endangered animals?" muttered Hayley Smith.

"A museum of beer!" yelled Peter Griffin, Cleveland Brown, Joe Swanson and Quagmire.

"A place where I can make some friends," said Meg.

Every passenger looked at her and laughed.

"Yes, well," West said. "Anyway, I'm sure we'll all have a good time. I know I will. I'm going to be in my captain's cabin the whole voyage. So, please, don't disturb me!"

And, with that, he boarded the cruise.

* * *

"It's been two hours have passed since we left the docks," moaned Lois, as she lied on a sun deck, "and I'm bored as hell. Seriously, I bet hell is more exciting than this.

"Yeah," agreed Bonnie, who was sitting on the sun deck next her. "I'm having more fun changing Suzie's diapers."

_And I'm having more fun watching people going to the bathroom_, thought Suzie. _It's not as gross as I thought it was. _

Meanwhile, CIA agent Stan Smith had his gun out and was pointing it around the place.

"Stan!" cried Francine, his wife. "Why are you waving your gun?"

"Because I'm so bored, Francine," replied Stan. "And this is the only thing I can think to keep me entertained."

At the bar, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe were spitting out beer on the floor.

"Oh, God!" cried Quagmire. "This beer tastes more like sewage water!"

"And we tried every beer on the cruise," added Cleveland.

"What? No beer?" screamed Joe. "I can't stand it! I've got to get off this damn cruise!" He wheeled himself to the edge of the cruise and, hitting the railing, he fell out of his chair and into the sea.

"I'd like to see how this can get any worse," said Peter.

Then the cruise stopped and the power went off.

"Oh, well done, Peter," said Quagmire. "Now everything is much worse!"

Everyone was going even crazier and actually fighting each other. Stan, Stewie and everyone who had a gun were actaully firing them.

"Attention, everyone!"

Everyone turned to see Peter under the giant screen. He put his microphone away.

"I have a great story to tell until... something happens," he said.

"It's _Toy Story 3_, isn't it?" said Meg.

"Oh, no," cried Donna Tubbs. "Not the sad one."

"I couldn't be bear to watch it again," sobbed Steve. "I found Adam Sandler's _Jack and Jill_ more relaxing."

"That movie put me in the psychiatric hospital," sobbed Holt.

"Thanks for giving the details away, Meg!" snapped Peter. "Now this is a story about loss, depression, moving on and near-death-experiences... Here is _Toy Story 3_."


	2. Operation Playtime

BOOM!

Out of the blown-up hole in the train coach came out smoke, three bags of money and an evil figure who was wearing a hat and an eye patch.

"Money! Money! Money!" One Eyed Pete chuckled evilly.

Then a rope yanked his blue shoe and made him fell down.

"Hey, it took me ages to count all that money!" shouted One Eyed Pete, as he dropped his bags.

But the only answer he got was a cowboy walking towards him. He lifted up his hat.

"You've got a date with justice, One Eyed Pete," said a frowning Sheriff Woody.

"Really?" asked One Eyed Pete. "What shall I tell my wife?"

"Your wife?" Woody looked up to see a high-shrieking female version of One Eyed Pete, who was wearing an eye patch and bandanna over her head.

"One-Eyed Lois?" cried Woody. "Nah, you're not my type."

One Eyed Lois showed him a nunchuck in one hand and a red bag in the other. She started waving them around, as she charged for Woody.

Woody back-flipped towards the back of the train. But when he reached the break van, he ran out of room to move back to.

One Eyed Lois used her bag to knock the defenceless sheriff off. She and One Eyed Pete were feeling proud of themselves until they saw Woody still coming after them. He was on Bullseye the horse and behind Jessie the cowgirl.

"Didn't you drop something?" said Jessie.

"Give it up, Pete!" shouted Woody. "You've run out of tricks... and tracks in a few minutes."

"Oh, have I?" One Eyed Pete got a device and pressed the red button.

BOOM!

The middle of the bridge in the fair distance across the Wild West was falling to pieces.

"So what?" asked Bullseye. "They'll just stay on the train and it's not like they have hostages on the coach."

"Not even the orphans?" asked Jessie.

"Well, I can't look and run at the same time!" moaned Bullseye. "That's the whole point of being my master – to yank me and order me to – "

"Shut the hell up!" yelled Jessie, yanking the reins.

"Yes, ma'am," sighed Bullseye.

"Sorry to leave so soon," said One Eyed Pete. "But our ride is here."

BEEP! BEEP!

Woody and Jessie turned left to see three little aliens, each wearing a patch eye over their left eye out of their three eyes, in a pink car driving to the coach where the One Eyes were standing on.

"It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff," said One Eyed Pete. "Take your pick."

Then he and One Eyed Lois jumped off and into the car. Then the car drove off.

"Run like the wind, Bullseye!" ordered Woody.

"Man, how can I run faster than I can?" asked Bullseye.

"What if there's a delicious carrot cake with your name on it?" suggested Woody.

"You assume I like carrots just because I'm a damn horse?"

"What about a triple cheeseburger with bacon, mayo, pickles and – "

"Pickles? Yuck!"

"All right, I promise that I will get you backstage passes to see Kanye West, P Diddy and Will Smith!" snapped a frustrated Woody. "Each!"

"All right, you're on." And, with that, Bullseye picked up speed.

Jessie turned to face Woody. "You don't have the money or the power to – "

"Shut up!" whispered Woody. "Not now!"

When they caught up to the train engine, Woody climbed into the cab and tried to pull the break down, but it was too stiff.

"Jessie!" Woody shouted. "How much track do I have left?"

"About, say, golf hole one to golf hole two," replied Bullseye.

"What?"

"Not much!" yelled Jessie.

Woody worked even harder to pull the brakes on and he successfully got it down. But everything was still moving. Woody looked up to see that the train was still sliding on gripped wheels.

So did Jessie and Bullseye. All they could do was watch the train with Woody still inside the engine fall off the bridge and mourn for him.

Then they saw a blue light flashed from under the bridge and the train shot up above them.

"Glad I could catch the train!" shouted Buzz Lightyear, who was holding the middle of the train underneath.

"Now let's catch come criminals!" cried Woody, popping his head out of the train engine.

"To infinity and beyond!" Buzz started to fly off, but then he stopped. "Should I put the train down first, Woody?"

* * *

Further into the Wild West, the One Eyes were counting their money when they heard their alien children going 'ooohhh'. They saw them point to the sky where a red laser cut their pink car in half. The villains rolled onto the rocky ground until they hit a big rock.

"Reach for the sky!" order Woody, as he, Buzz and Jessie approached them.

"Ha, you can't even touch me, Sheriff!" scoffed One Eyed Pete. "I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!" Then he whistled.

A dog sprung down from the mountain and wrapped around the One Eyed family. He bit his tail and a shield appeared over them.

"How does your tail taste, Slinky?" one of the alien kids joked.

"Shut the hell up!" muttered Slinky through his teeth.

"Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!" cried Woody.

Jessie yodelled. Then, between Woody's group and the shield, the ground started to collapsed and out came Rex the giant green dinosaur.

"Um, what am I suppose to do, master?" Rex asked.

"Eat the force fielded dog so we can arrest these crooks, duh!" snapped Woody.

Rex charged for the shield, but a giant shadow above stopped him.

Everyone looked up to see a flying spaceship in the shape of a piggy bank.

"Evil Dr. Pork Clot!" cried Buzz.

In his spaceship, Pork Clot just smiled. "That's Mr. Evil Dr. Pork Clot to you, you piece of space crap!"

The evil piggy bank pressed a button that summoned up the One Eye family with their attack dog on board his ship.

"Oh, thank Christ!" snapped Slinky as he spitted. "My ass tastes like crap."  
One Eyed Lois chuckled. "That's because that's where – "

Pork Clot pressed another button that was labelled 'Death By Monkeys'.

Back outside, Woody, Buzz and Jessie started to run away from the explosion of red monkeys. Rex tried to roar them away, but they overtook him. And it wasn't long before the monkeys overtook and held the heroes down.

As they were held down, they looked up to see Pork Clot's ship right above them. The nose opened up and it looked like it was going to fire a red laser.

"Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge!" ordered Woody.

"What, are you (beeped) up in the head?" asked Buzz. "It'll kill you!"

"Just do it, already!" screamed Woody.

Buzz freed himself from the monkeys and fired his laser at Woody's badge. The laser beam deflected from the badge and hit the nose of the spaceship causing to explode.

The criminals fell down and landed on a giant Playmobil prison cell.

"Here's to Sheriff Woody!" cried the Playmobil prison warden, holding a cup.

"Woody!" cried the prison guards, raising their cups to him. "Woody! Woody!"

* * *

"WOODY!"

Woody woke up and saw his friends in darkness.

"Sorry, guys," he said. "I was just, um, thinking of one of my favourite playtimes with Andy."

"Well, Sarge and his soldiers have carried out their objective successfully," said Buzz.

They lifted the hatch of the box they were in up and the little green soldiers came inside.

"Good job, Sarge," said Woody.

"Man, did we have to go through a lot of work to get that phone," moaned Sarge.

"Why, did Andy flush it down the toilet?" asked Mr. Potato Head.

"No, the pockets of his pants are full of nothing except biscuit crumbs, dirty coins and used condoms," replied the second soldier.

"Okay, Buzz," said Woody. "Make the call."

Buzz flipped open his wrist communicator and Jessie used the numbers on it to dial the phone. Then the phone was chucked to Rex. It started to ring.

"Shall I answer it?" asked Rex.

"No, stupid!" snapped Hamm. "It's not for you, it's for Andy!"  
Then all the toys froze. Andy lifted up the hatch and saw the ringing phone. He picked up Rex, had a little trouble getting the phone off him but successfully managed to do so and answered the phone.

"Hello?" said Andy. "Is anyone there? Hello?" Then he sighed. "Molly, stay out of my room!"

"I wasn't in your room," protested Molly.

"You may be hilarious with your friends, but you really piss me off sometimes," Andy snapped, as he shut his bedroom door.

The toys lifted the hatch up and climbed out of the box. They were all feeling sad, except Rex.

"He held me!" he cried happily. "He actually held me! Did you see he held me?"

"Yes, Rex," moaned Hamm. "Share with everyone, it'll make us happy."

"Staff meeting!" called Woody. "Staff meeting, everyone."

He approached Slinky who was just sitting. "What are you doing, Slinky?" he snapped. "Why aren't you gathering everyone?"

"Well, if you care to look, Woody," said Slinky, "we _are_ gathered."

Woody did look and saw that all the toys were gathered.

"Oh, right," he chuckled nervously. "Thanks, Slinky."

Then the cowboy doll cleared his throat and approached the toys. "Now, we all know that Operation Playtime was a long shot."

"More like a dagger in the butt," muttered Mr. Potato Head.

"But the job wasn't about getting played with," went on Woody. "It's about – "

"Being there for Andy when we need him," Jessie finished for him.

"Yeah, it's like hanging around in a mentally-disabled person's home for him or her to go on vacation, but will never want to leave his house," muttered Bullseye.

All the toys just looked at him like they didn't understand him.

"This is why I'm smarter than you lot," mutter Bullseye. "Because you don't get it."

"But we can try again, right?" Rex asked.

Woody sighed. "I'm calling it, guys. We're surrendering to what Andy decides to do with us now."

"What?" cried the panicking toys.

"But don't worry," went on Woody. "We'll be fine."

"We're going into the attic now, folks," said Buzz. "So keep your accessories with you at all time. Spare parts, batteries, plastic water bottles, plastic food, plastic credit cards and everything you need to survive."

"That's it," sighed Mr. Potato Head. "We're finished."

"Look, no toy wants to see their kid leave," said Woody, "but we all knew this day was coming."

"Hey, Sarge!" cried Buzz, who was looking at the window. "What are you doing?"

All the toys turned to see Sarge and his couple of troopers at the window.

"You may want to wait for the trash bags," said Sarge, "but we are using our brains to escape while we can."

"Trash bags?" pondered Woody.

"Big tall black plastic bags where you put your crap in," explained one of the soldiers.

"I know what trash bags are!" snapped Woody. "But what I don't understand is – "

"It has been an honour serving you," said Sarge. "Good luck, folks." Then he jumped onto a soldier, opened their parachute and out of the window they went.

"You're going to need it," said the third soldier. Then he joined the others.

"No, no, come back!" yelled Woody. But they were gone for good.

"What are we going to do?" asked Mrs. Potato Head.

"Why did Sarge leave?" asked Slinky.

"Should we leave?" asked Hamm.

"I thought we were going into the attic," said Slinky.

"All this confusion is giving me a headache," moaned Rex.

"Everyone, shut up!" yelled Woody. "Nobody is getting thrown away! We're all here, aren't we? Apart from the toys that left us, like Etch, Wheezy, Mr. Spell, Molly's plastic cars, Mr. Davis's blow-up sex dolls and..."

"Bo Peep?" added Rex.

"Yeah, even Bo," Woody sighed, as he lower his head in sadness.

"Aw, is our self-appointed leader going to cry?" teased Mrs. Potato Head.

Then Woody lifted his head up and cleared his throat. "All good toys that have moved on to good homes and good owners."

"Then why are we stuck in this living hell?" moaned Mr. Potato Head.

"Did it ever occur to you that we're stuck in this living hell because Andy must still care about us?" asked Woody. "Otherwise, he would have got rid of us sooner?"

"Hmm, good point," said Slinky.

"By the way, the attic is full of books and games and _Playboy_ and _Playgirl_ magazines..."

"And the Scalextric track," added Buzz.

"And the old TV," pointed out Slinky.

"And if I'm not mistaken," said Mr. Potato Head, "Andy has an old I-Pod up there."

"And his mom has an old broadband up there," added Mrs. Potato Head. "So we'll have Wi-Fi!"

"You see, it's not so bad," said Woody.

"So, come on, guys!" cheered Buzz. "Let's get our parts together, get ready and go out on a high note!"

The toys looked hopeful.

"Wait a minute," said Hamm. "We don't want to get our hopes too high, do we? What if we don't get put in the attic? Remember what happened in – "

"Thanks a lot, Hamm!" snapped Woody.

Then the toys started to worry again.

"Yeah, we don't want to get our hopes too high up," said Mrs. Potato Head. "Besides, I need to find my right eye before anything else happens." He touched the hole for where the right eye was supposed to go to.

"Ha! Women are always losing things!" Mr. Potato Head chuckled.

The missus slapped him and his face parts fell out.

"Can't take a joke, huh?" snapped her husband.

"Come on," said Hamm. "Let's see how much we're going for on eBay."

The toys started going in their own directions.

"Don't worry," Woody called to the toys. "Andy's going to do what's best for us, I guarantee it."

Then the cowboy doll climbed up on Andy's bedside table. He lifted up the boy's high school graduation photo and looked at a picture of the ten-year-old Andy in the same room playing with his toys.

"You guarantee it, huh?" said Buzz.

"I don't know, Buzz," said Woody. "What else could I say?"  
"Well, it's not like you're King Joffrey who promised Sansa Stark he freed Sean Bean, but later had his head cut off," smiled Buzz. "We'll be together, no matter what."

"For infinity and beyond," said Woody.

"Can I have your stereo?" asked Molly.

"No!" replied Andy. "I'm taking it with me!"

"Andy's coming, everybody!" cried Woody.

All of the toys quickly ran back inside the box and closed the hatch.


	3. Trash

Andy entered his room, followed closely by Molly.

"What about your video games?" she asked.

"No," replied Andy.

"What about all those dresses and bikinis you've stolen from all of your girlfriends?" Molly asked.

"Forget it, Molly," snapped Andy.

Then Mrs. Davis arrived in his room. "Okay, Andy," she said. "It's time to make decisions."

"Mom, I'm not leaving till Friday," said Andy. "And I'm seventeen. I can make my own decisions."

"Last time you made a decision," said Molly, "we suffered from food poisoning."

"I didn't know that that Burger King was unhygienic and the chefs were – " Andy groaned. "Molly, out of my room!"

"Three days and it's mine," teased Molly as she went out.

"Andy, it's garbage day," Mrs. Davis told Andy. "So get your room sorted out with stuff for college, attic and garbage before the garbage guys arrive, okay?"

Then she walked out of the room.

The hatch of the box slowly and quietly lifted up. The toys had a quick peek into Molly's room.

"Molly, it's time you did a little cleaning yourself," said Mrs. Davis.

"What do you mean?" asked Molly.

"Well, you have more toys that than a spoilt girl has," said Mrs. Davis. "And you don't play with any of them. So you can put some in this box and I'll take them to Sunnyside Daycare."

"What's daycare?" asked Rex.

"Shh!" ordered Woody.

"But I'm saving these toys for an auction so I can make a living," protested Molly.

"Hah!" scoffed Mrs. Davis. "No one will pay a cent for all this, let alone half a million bucks. Now, get a move on."

Molly sighed and started filling the box with some of her old stuff, including an unopened makeup box, a couple of horse books and a Barbie doll with glasses.

"Poor Barbie," said Jessie.

Buzz gasped. "Andy's coming!"

They closed the lid and froze.

Andy opened the lid and picked up Rex and put him in a trash bag. Then he picked up Slinky, Jessie, Bullseye, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, the three aliens and emptied the coins from Hamm before putting him in the rest in the bag.

Then Andy picked up Woody and Buzz, his two favourite toys. He first looked at the cowboy doll and then to the space ranger. Then the toys in the bag saw Andy put Woody in his college box and Buzz joining them.

"That's it?" asked Buzz, as Andy tied the bag together. "He couldn't be fair and give us a chance like flipping a coin?"

Outside the bag, Woody started to worry about his friends, too. He climbed out of the college box and ran to the door, as Andy left his room.

In the hallway, Andy pulled down a ladder from the hatch in the ceiling. He picked up the bag the toys were in and he started to climb up to the attic when he saw Molly coming out of her room. She was carrying a heavy box and she looked like she was struggling.

"Need a hand?" asked Andy.

"No, I'm fine," said Molly.

Andy sighed and came down. "Here," he said, as he took the box. After all, they were brother and sister, despite they never really got along.

"So, are you going to miss me?" asked Andy, as he and his sister headed down the stairs.

"Well, maybe after the first few weeks," replied Molly honestly.

"So, you'll be saying 'good riddance' during the first three weeks?" asked Andy.

Woody saw the ladder heading back up to the attic hatch. He saw the bag was still on the floor and so did Andy's mom.

"Andy!" she screamed. "Have you forgotten how to take out the trash?"  
She sighed and picked up the bag.

Woody gasped. "Hey, that's not trash, you stupid bitch!" Then he tapped his head as he thought. Then he whistled. "Here, Buster, over here!" he called.

He had to wait a long time for Buster to arrive. After all, Buster was a very old dog and Woody hadn't called him in years.

"All... right... Sheriff... W," he said slowly.

"Quick! To the curb!" ordered Woody, as he got on the dog.

But all Buster did was yawn and fell over, trapping Woody under him.

"Can... we... go... after... I... have... forty... winks?" asked Buster. Then he started snoring.

"Get me off, you useless, furry idiot!" shouted Woody, as he freed himself under the heavy dog. He ran up to Andy's desk and saw out of the window that Mrs. Davis had put the bag on the curb. And, to make matters worse, the garbage truck was getting closer to the house.

Woody quickly picked up some scissors and slid down the drain pipe. He looked at his trousers. "Good," he smiled. "Not a single rip."

Then the beeping from the garbage truck made him focus again. He saw it had reached the house. Woody quickly reached the pole under the post box, checked that the garbage man wasn't looking at him and he cut the bags opened. But all it had was just smelly garbage and disgusting stuff, not a single toy.

Woody looked ahead to see the garbage man pulling the lever down on the back on the truck.

"Buzz! Jessie! Potato Head! Rex! Hamm!" Then he hesitated and took a deep breath. "All right. Slinky!"

Then Woody heard walking and rattling. He turned around to see a recycling box with legs under it moving towards the garage. He ran to it.

Inside the garage, Woody was relieved to see all of his friends alive... and surprised to see them in the truck of Mrs. Davis's car.

"Buzz! Jessie!" he cried.

"Woody!" cried Buzz, who turned around after helping one of the toys into a box that was labelled Sunnyside Daycare.

"How did you escape from the bag?" asked Woody.

* * *

_Buzz explained that while he and the other toys were in the bag, they were still for one minute and the next they were being dragged down and then they stopped._

_ "What the hell is going on?" asked Mr. Potato Head._

_ "Have we been taken to Disneyland and we've been on a rollercoaster?" asked Rex._

_ "Yes," said Hamm. "And we have just fallen off and broken every bone in our body."_

_ "Toys have bones?" asked Rex._

_ "Oh, god!" moaned the toys._

_ "Shh!" ordered Buzz. _

_ The toys heard a beeping noise._

_ "Damn!" cried Bullseye. "It's the garage truck!"_

_ "We must be on the curb!"cried Jessie._

_ "Everyone, shut up and calm down!" ordered Buzz. "Try pulling on the bag!"_

_ "What for?" asked Mrs. Potato Head._

_ "To escape, duh!"_

_ They toys pulled on the trash bag as far and as wide they could, but they were getting nowhere and the sound of the garage truck was getting closer. _

_ "Oh, what's the point?" moaned Mr. Potato Head._

_ "Point? Point!" This gave Buzz an idea. He turned around and saw Rex's tail._

_ "What are you perverts looking at my tail for?" snapped Rex._

_ But all he got for an answer was the toys pushing him through the bag. The plan worked. Rex's tail ripped a hole in the bag and they managed to escape. _

_ "Quick, to the recycling box!" ordered Buzz. _

_ And they ran to the box before the garage man took the bag they were in._

* * *

_The toys made their way to the garage and took the box off._

_ "God, this is Emily all over again!" moaned Jessie. "Woody promised me this wouldn't happen with Andy. He did!"_

_ "This doesn't make any sense," pondered Buzz. "I thought Andy was going to put us in the attic."_

_ "Woody was wrong and Sarge was right," said Hamm._

_ "I told you that cowboy doll's head was full of pull-strings," snapped Mr. Potato Head._

_ "Guys, this is no time to be hysterical," Buzz told the toys._

_ "It's the perfect time to be hysterical!" protested Hamm. He started to laugh hysterically. Then he started to cry hysterically. Then he laughed again. Then he cried again. Laugh. Cry. Laugh. Cry. Laugh. Cry. Laugh. Cry._

_ "Should we be hysterical?" asked Rex._

_ "No!" said Slinky._

_ "Yes!" snapped Mr. Potato Head._

_ "Maybe, but not right now!" yelled Buzz. "Let's just take a deep breath and think of a solution."_

_ "I've found one," pointed out Jessie, looking at the Sunnyside Daycare box in the trunk of Mrs. Davis's car._

* * *

"Wait! Wait a minute!" cried Woody. "You're going to Sunnyside Daycare?"

"Well, I don't see why we should stay here," said Slinky.

"Yeah, especially since Andy put us on the curb!" added Mr. Potato Head.

"No, he didn't," said Woody. "It was Andy's mom who put you out on the curb. Andy himself was putting you in the attic and – Look, I'll explain once we get back to Andy's room."

"Andy's moving on, Woody," said Jessie. "So should we." Then she closed the box.

"Ok, out of the box," said Woody. Nobody came out.

"Get out of the box," Woody said again. Still nobody came out.

"I said, get out of the (bleep) box now!" shouted the cowboy doll. Still nobody came out.

Woody charged over to the other end of the box and tried to push it. "Come on, Buzz, help me," he said.

"Wait, Woody," said Buzz. "We need to decide what's best for everyone."

Then the trunk door was slammed down and the car engine started up. Then Woody and Buzz knew that, whether they liked it or not, they were on their way to Sunnyside Daycare.


	4. Sunnyside Daycare

"I don't understand, Barbie," said Mrs. Potato Head, as she approached the sobbing Barbie.

"If you and Molly have been growing apart, why are you so upset about being thrown away?"

"I… I… I suppose… that it has something to do with the fact that…" said Barbie.

"Spit it out, already!" snapped an impatient Mr. Potato Head.

"It all just happened sooner than I expected!" shouted Barbie. "Okay?" Then she continued her sobbing.

"Well, at least, you didn't have a near death experience like us on the curb," said Slinky.

Then the box opened.

"Hey, guys," called Woody.

"Woody!" cried the toys.

The cowboy doll jumped down. "Okay, we have to hurry. We can hide under the seats and wait for Mrs. Davis to – "

"Get this through your thick plastic head, Woody!" snapped Mr. Potato Head. "Andy doesn't want us anymore."

Woody sighed. "He was putting you... in the (bleep) attic!"

"He left us on the (bleep) curb!" screamed Jessie.

"All right, both of you, calm down!" ordered Buzz, as he pushed them apart.

Woody sighed. "All right, just wait to you see what day care is like."

"What's day care like?" asked Rex.

"Of all of the things to look up on Andy's Facebook, twitter and Linkedin accounts, you never looked up on his day care experience?" asked Woody. "Day care is a sad, lonely place for washed-up, broken or mentally disabled toys that have no owners."

Barbie cried her eyes out again.

"Quite the charmer, aren't you?" Hamm said to Woody. "You're as charming as Christian Bale, Russell Crowe, Madonna, Beyonce and all those bad-tempered divas."

"Well, I believe it's always better to be honest instead of giving false hope," said Woody.

Then the car stopped and the box was picked up.

* * *

Mrs. Davis entered the reception of Sunnyside Daycare.

"Hello," greeted the receptionist.

"Hi," Mrs. Davis greeted back.

"Long time, no see," said the receptionist. "How have you been?"

"Been busy," replied Mrs. Davis. Then she looked at the little girl on the desk. "Is this little Bonnie?"

"Wave to her, sweetie," said the receptionist.

Bonnie waved. _Who are you calling little_? she thought in her head. _I may be small in height, but my brain is as big as the size of this planet_.

* * *

Soon, Bonnie's mom took the box the toys were in to a room and put them down on a table. Inside the box, the toys had a look through the hole.

"Wow!" Mr. Potato Head cried. "This place is awesome!"

"Be careful," warned Buzz. "Toys can be jealous of new arrivals. Can't they, Woody?"

"Thanks for reminding me, Buzz," moaned Woody.

Then the bell rang.

"Okay, kids," said the big lady, as she opened the door. "Time for recess."

"Yeah!" screamed the kids happily, as they ran outside.

"Now, can anyone find an exit?" asked Woody.

"Exit, shit it," said Mr. Potato Head.

"When can we get out?" demanded an impatient Rex.

Then the box fell over from the table and the toys shot out. They were staring at a group of toys, who were staring at them back.

"New toys!" cried a jack in the box.

All the toys cheered and went over to greet them.

"Well, howdy," said Jessie, as she shook hands with a muscular rocky toy. "Glad to meet you."  
"Likewise, ma'am," said the rocky toy called Chunk.

Buzz was approached by a robotic toy. "あなたは私を傷つけることはありません！" he shouted, putting his pinchers out. (You will not hurt me!)

"Buzz Lightyear, at your service," greeted Buzz, shaking pinchers with the robot toy called Sparks.

"私が今運命ます！" cried Sparks. (I am now doomed!)  
Mrs. Potato Head had fallen over. Her husband went over to help, but he was beaten by a muscular insect toy.

Mrs. Potato Head laughed. "Why, thank you, Mr. – "

"Twitch, ma'am," said the insect toy.

"May I?"

Twitch let her feel her muscular arms.

This made Mr. Potato Head very jealous. "At least he's an all muscle and no brain idiot, like Dwayne Johnson!"

Then Mr. Potato Head was overshadowed. He slowly turned to see a Dwayne Johnson action figure.

"What were you saying?" he asked. And he didn't wait to for Mr. Potato Head to even open his mouth; the moustache spud as given a punch in the face.

BEEP! BEEP!

The toys moved out of the way to let a toy yellow truck pass through. On it was a large pink teddy bear with a cane.

"Why, hello there," greeted the teddy bear. He dropped down from the truck. "I thought I heard new voices. The name's Lots-O-Huggin'-Bear. For short, just call me Lotso."

"Mr. Lotso, do toys get played here?" asked Rex.

"Yeah, sure," replied Lotso. "Monday to Friday, every week, except the weeks during Christmas holidays, Easter Holidays and so on."

"And what about the weekends?" asked Rex. "And whenever kids don't come here here?"

"I'll tell you all that in the minute," said Lotso.

"But don't kids leave this place when they get too old?" asked Jessie.

"That's the beauty of this place," said Lotso. He pointed his cane to some photos on the wall. "Every year, new ones replace the old ones. And every year, more come in."

"Wow!" cried Rex. "I didn't know the overpopulation of humans had its advantages."

"This is great!" cried Mrs. Potato Head.

"And you wanted us to stay at Andy's," her husband said to Woody.

"Because we're his toys," snapped Woody.

Lotso approached him. "Do you wanna know what I say to kids like Andy?"

"No," replied Woody. "Because he – "

"He can go (bleep) himself," went on Lotso. "He can't hurt you anymore."

Woody wanted to protest, but the teddy bear carried on walking.

"Ken!" he called, as he approached a big yellow with six windows doll house. "New toys!"

"Coming, Lotso!" called a geeky voice.

An outside elevator came down and out came a small Ken doll, who was wearing yellow glasses and a blue shirt and shorts. "So, are you ready for Ken's dream tour?" he asked.

"Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying," said Lotso.

"So, folks, if you would like to – " Then Ken stopped as he saw the Barbie doll that came with Andy's toys. They approached each other like twin dolls.

"Hi, I'm Ken," greeted Ken.

"Barbie," smiled Barbie. "Have we ever met?"

"I would've remember," said Ken, making Barbie giggle. "I love your hat."  
"Nice braces," said Barbie.

"Beautiful glasses."

" Uh…" Barbie was running out of ideas. "Uh… You have… uh…"

"Come on, Ken," said Lotso. "Recess is over in ten minutes."

"Sorry, Lotso," said Ken. "Here we go, folks." He took Barbie by the arm and the tour began.

"You've got a lot to look forward to here, folks," Lotso said to Andy's toys.

"What a nice bear," said Buzz.

"And he smells of strawberries," added Rex.

"And I bet he tastes like strawberries, too," added Mr. Potato Head. "Can I have a bite of him?"

"No," replied Mrs. Potato Head. "He's not edible."

"Awww!" moaned her husband.

* * *

Lotso and Ken showed the toys around the room.

"As you can see," said Ken, "when all the kids are out to recess or when playtime is not on at all, we have books, games, movies and all kinds of stuff to keep us entertained, so you'll never get bored, I promise."

"And as well as more toys, more books and DVDs keeping coming in," added Lotso.

"That's right, Lotso," said Ken, holding a book. "For example, this came in. _The Silkworm; _the new book from J. K. Rowling."

"Wow!" cried Andy's toys.

"_Wolf of Wall Street_ on Blu-ray," went on Ken, holding the Blu-ray dvd.

"Cool!" cried Andy's toys.

"And _Midnight Memories_ from One Direction," said Ken, holding the CD.

"NO!" shouted Andy's toys.

"Okay, sorry," apologized Ken. "Moving on."

* * *

"In case you're feeling unwell or getting too old," said Lotso, "this 'health room' of the butterfly room will help."

"We have a spa," said Ken.

They saw a purple octopus toy patting toys on the back.

"We have a gym," said Lotso.

He pointed his cane to a toy gym set where two dolls were running on the treadmill, two dolls were each on the bike and a doll was on an exercise mat… sleeping!

"And also we have a graveyard for all of our friends who are no longer with us," said Ken. He pointed to a plastic graveyard toy set.

"Are all the stuff and fluff under those headstones?" asked Woody.

"Well, no," said Ken. "These headstones are just here so you can talk to them or if they just make you feel better, like Elvis did to his dead twin brother."

"Well, now you've gotten used to the day care environment," said Lotso, "let's get you settle into the room for beginner toys: the caterpillar room."

The teddy bear took Andy's toys to a big door, where it was opened by a big baby doll.

"Why, thank you, Big Baby," said Lotso.

"See, I maybe a big baby," said Big Baby, "but I'm very smart. You don't seem to make a big deal of it, you know. I need to be told; otherwise I'll have very low self-esteem."

Lotso turned around to Andy's toys. "We were thrown out together, Big Baby and me. Abandoned by the same owner."

Then they continued walking through the hallway.

"Whoa!" cried Mr. Potato Head, as he slipped.

"Be careful of the puddles," said Lotso.

"Eww!" moaned Jessie. "What kind of puddles are they? Some are clear and some are yellow!"

* * *

Soon they all arrived at the next room. It was about the same size as the butterfly room and it was full of toys, too.

"Welcome to the caterpillar room," said Losto.

"Wow!" admired all of Andy's toys, except Woody who didn't seem to be impressed one bit.

"How long has it been since you've been played?" asked Lotso.

"About as long as the year gap between _The Dark Knight_ and _The Dark Knight Rises_," replied Hamm.

"Four years?" asked Mr. Potato Head. "It seemed more like eight years to me."

"Four years in the making," explained Hamm. "Eight years in the _Dark Knight_ Trilogy timeline." Then he turned to Lotso. "Yeah, eight years."  
"Well, you only have to wait eight minutes for that bell to go off," said Lotso, "and then you'll get the playtime you deserve after all these years. Welcome to Sunnyside, folks." He got back onto the yellow truck. "Come on, Ken."

Ken started to walk away from Barbie. Then he quickly ran back to her. "Barbie, come and live with me in my dream house."

"Live in your dream house?" said Barbie.

"I'm sure you'll love it," said Ken. "It has ten bedrooms, a giant kitchen, a large TV room, a swimming pool, a gym and a whole room just for trying on clothes."  
"So you have everything?" cried Barbie excitedly.

"Everything," replied Ken. "Except someone to share it with."

Barbie gasped in awe. Then she turned to Andy's toys who didn't look interested at all.

"Yeah, go ahead," said Mr. Potato Head, who didn't seem excited about it.

"Do whatever you want," muttered Hamm.

"Come on, Ken!" cried Lotso.

"Coming," said Ken, holding hands with Barbie. They got on the truck and they were on their way back to the butterfly room.

* * *

Andy's toys were looking around the caterpillar room, admiring it.

"Look," said Woody.

All the toys faced him.

"This place is very nice, I agree," went on the cowboy doll. "And this offer is very tempting, but we need to get home."

"This could be our new home, Woody," said Jessie.

"Yeah," agreed the toys.

"NO!" screamed Woody. "We already have a home – Andy's house. And whether he wants us in his room or in his attic, we should be there for him. Now, I'm going home. Feel free to join me if you want to. Come on, Buzz."

Woody started walking. Then he stopped and turned around that Buzz had not moved an inch.

The space ranger sighed. "Our mission with Andy is complete, Woody. And what's important right now is that we stick together."

Woody frowned at the toys. "So we're going down two different paths, is that it, huh? I can't believe how selfish you all are."

"Look who's talking," said Bullseye.

"Yeah," agreed Mr. Potato Head. "I mean, you're the one who Andy's going to take to college and you're the one who wants us in the attic. You're one who's being selfish, not us."

"Right," snapped Woody. "I just give up on all of you. I'm going now."  
And the mad cowboy trotted to the door, leaving his devastated friends behind.

* * *

Woody popped his head out from the cleaning sign.

"Now all I have to do now is find the exit and get out," he said to himself.

Then he heard squeaky wheels. He saw a cleaner's trolley coming towards him. He froze and the trolley overtook him.

As the trolley passed, the cowboy doll wasn't on the floor anymore. That was because he was under the trolley.

"Hey, this is a great ride," Woody cheered. "Unlike the time Andy took me on that rollercoaster where I fell off."

_A few weeks before Andy put his toys in the box for a long time, Andy took Woody on a rollercoaster at a funfair. Andy was loving it, until he lost grip of Woody and watched him fall to the bottom of the ride. _

_ Woody picked himself up and shook his fist angrily at Andy. "Thanks for nearly killing me, Andy!" he shouted._

Woody saw that the cart was heading towards the main entrance.

"Yes, that's it," he said. "That's it."

But the cart turned and went into the bathroom.

"No, no, no, head for the entrance, you stupid old fart!" snapped Woody.

But the cart just stopped. Woody decided to roll out. He bumped into the toilet and rubbed his head. As he did so, he looked up to see the window above the toilet. He climbed up on it and jumped onto the toilet roll. He was feeling proud of all the process he made already until he started to slip from the unravelling toilet paper. He jumped up to the window and went through it.

* * *

Finally, Woody reached the roof. "Yippee!" he cheered. "I've done it! Now all I have to do is get across the playground and I'll be away from those loud, smelly and just plain old disgusting toddlers for good. But how?"

As Woody studied the playground and worked out how to get out, his hat blew off. As he chased it, he saw it landing on a green hang glider. This gave him an idea.

Woody ran, holding onto the hang glider. As he jumped off from the roof, he closed his eyes in fear of landing to the ground. After ten seconds, he opened his eyes to see that he was successfully flying.

Then he saw that he was approaching the wall. He blew into the glider to make it go up, but it didn't work.

"Someone down there want to give me a little help?" Woody asked.

No one seemed to notice or hear him, but he had a bit of luck – it wasn't very nice, but it was luck nonetheless. Woody was falling next to a big fat boy who – PFFHT! The broken wind sent Woody over the wall and he landed on the pavement.

"Whoa!" Woody sighed. "That was close… and disgusting. But I made it."

Then the wind sent him back in the air again and sent him all over the sky. Then the hang glider crash-dived into the tree.

Woody fell from the tree, but stopped just before he hit the pavement. He tried to wriggle himself free.

"Come on!" he snapped, as he wriggled with his pull string. "Set me free, you stupid, worthless piece of – "

Then he saw a little girl coming and he froze.

The little girl was Bonnie and she bumped into Woody. She picked him up and the pull string went back into Woody's back.  
"_You're my favourite deputy_," said Woody's voice box.

_Hmm,_ thought Bonnie. _It's about time I was admired and made feel good about myself. I'm taking you with me, whether you like it or not._

With no choice, Woody was going with Bonnie.


End file.
